Best Chelsea Jokes
Funniest Chelsea Jokes

Best Chelsea Jokes - Introduction

Thanks for visiting my website and I hope you find these Chelsea FC jokes funny, or at least some of them :)

I had a few laughs while researching the best Chelsea jokes and without any further introduction here are some of the funniest Chelsea FC jokes I could find.

Jokes About Chelsea FC

Q: How do u confuse a chelsea fan?
A: Take him to London and then ask him for directions.

Jokes About Chelsea FC

Did you hear about the new Chelsea Bra?
Lots of support but no cups.

Chelsea FC Jokes

Counseling offered to all Chelsea fans.
Call 1-800-566-7311 – that’s 1-800-LOOSERS.

Chelsea FC Jokes

Two guys are walking through a cemetery when they come across a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."

So, one of them asked the other:

"When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Chelsea FC Jokes

Q. If two Chelsea fans Paul and Danny jump off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
A. Who gives a F$$K!

Best Chelsea Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
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A: I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.

Funny Chelsea Jokes

Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity

Best Chelsea Jokes

Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.

Funny Jokes About Chelsea FC

Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe! hahaha

Best Chelsea FC Jokes

I heard that Stamford Bridge has arguably the best soccer field in the Premiership.

Well...not entirely surprising considering all the shit that has been on there.

Chelsea FC Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an onion?
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A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!

Best Chelsea Jokes

Q: What do Chelsea goalkeepers and singer Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

Best Jokes About Chelsea

Q: How many Chelsea fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One - he holds the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him.

Best Chelsea Jokes

Q: Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Intelligent Chelsea supporter and an old drunk named Bob are walking down the street together when they spot a big brick of gold.

Who gets it?

A: The old drunk Bob, of course – the other 3 are mythical creatures!

Chelsea Jokes

Q: What do Chelsea fans and Mushrooms have in common?
A: They both have big heads and live in shit!

Best Chelsea Jokes

Police are called to Old Trafford.

A man in full Chelsea uniform is standing on top of the main stand, threatening to throw himself off.

The police negotiator tries to talk him down and says, “come on friend, it’s not that bad, don’t do it!”

“You don’t get it!” says the Chelsea fan, “for four years I’ve been a Chelsea supporter, and this year I was convinced we would win everything. Instead, we were kicked out of the FA cup by Barnsley… we lost the Carling Cup final to Spurs… then we lost the Premiership to the Mancs, and then we went to the Champions League final and Man United beat us again! I can’t take it any more!”

“Ok, I do understand your pain,” replied the negotiator, “but I don’t understand one thing… why are you here at Old Trafford? Why aren’t you jumping off the main stand at Stamford Bridge?”

The Chelsea fan looked at the policeman and replied, “Have you seen the f*ckin LINE there?”

Best Chelsea Jokes

Snow White, Silvester Stallone and Osama Bin Laden are having a conversation.

Snow White says “Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?”

Silvester Stallone says “I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?”

Osama Bin Laden says “Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?”

Snow White says “Let’s go and see the wise man!”... so off they go.

Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says:

“It’s true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on.”

Silvester Stallone goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived.”

Osama Bin Ladin goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “Who the fu*k is this John Terry character then?“

Funny Chelsea Jokes

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break:

1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

2nd surgeon says "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

3rd surgeon says "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded."

4th surgeon says "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

Best Chelsea Jokes

A Chelsea supporter arrived to Stamford Bridge one Saturday to find the place completely empty.

He went to the office and asked an official:

"What time does the match start?"

"There’s no match today." replied the official.

"But there must be!" argued the fan…

"It’s Saturday."

"I’m telling you there’s no match today." repeated the official.

"But there’s always a match on Saturday afternoon, even if it's only a reserves game." said the fan…

"Watch my lips!!!" shouted the irate official…

"There is no M-A-T-F-C-H today!"

"Well, for your information, there's no F in MATCH!!" the would-be spectator shouted back.

"That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!" yelled the official. hahaha

Best Chelsea Jokes

Three football fans were blaming the manager , players and parents because their team kept losing and was facing relegation.

“I blame the manager” said the Arsenal fan, “if he would sign new players then we could be a great side”

“I blame the players” said the Liverpool fan, “if they made more effort I am sure we would score more goals”

“I blame my parents”, added the Chelsea fan, ”if I’d been born in another town I’d be supporting a decent team!"

Jokes About Chelsea

Q: Why most Chelsea FC fans book 2 seats to every Chelsea game?
A: One to sit in, the other to throw when the fighting starts.

Best Jokes Chelsea FC

Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g Chelsea.

Jokes About Chelsea Football Club

A Chelsea fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog.

Soon, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the hungry Chelsea FC fan.

However, whenever he approaches the sheep, dog growls in a threatening manner.

The Chelsea fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.

He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.

The chelsea fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash and he goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.

By now, chelsea fan is getting depressed and frustrated.

As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there’s ANYTHING she could do for him.

The chelsea fan thinks for a moment and then responds, “Could you take the dog for a walk? :D

Chelsea Soccer Jokes

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved hahaha

Q: What would you get if Newcastle were relegated?
A: 45,000 more Chelsea fans

There you have some of the funniest jokes about Chelsea FC that I could find.

I hope you had as much fun reading them as I did :D